I'm anaspeptic, frasmotic, even compunctuous...

... and doomed.

I know how my mind works, I do. So why did I think having a tiny peek into a new fandom would be safe? It's always the same!!
1. Ooooh, FanficWriterX writes in Fadom Y?
2. Slash?
3. Meh, like there's one single slashable character there ...
4. Well, I like their writing, so ...
5. ZOMG!!! MUST READ MORE! MORE!! MOREMOREMORE!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Criminal Minds. Spencer Reid.

Sigh.

I'm so doomed.

Once again I'm completely sucked into the maelstrom that is fanfiction *sigh* ... *happy sigh* XD
My real motive for buying that Kindle was that I wanted to have a more comfortable way to read fanfic. And boy, does it work. :D
Getting all these fics into some sort of order works better than I ever expected ... and I find more and more delicious new (at least, new for me) fics. I really, really, really love Snarry. Very much. :D

Work life ... is okay. March and April are going to be hell, but at least it won't be all new this time. But still, I'm a little nervous.

I hate it when life does that.
Yesterday I was in my bubble, content and planning for my first ever perfect New Year's Eve (and Afternoon): getting sushi, watching DVDs, reading, dozing, and having it all to myself. Well.

This morning Mum asked me to go with Dad and G*mother to the operetta in her stead. I understand why she didn't want to go - she's got the sniffles and a nasty cough; but I hate operetta, and she knows that. But apart from that being with G*mother at the operetta means having to go to the restaurant afterwards with parents, G*mother, and aunt and uncle. And after that sitting together, watching horrible TV shows, and waiting till it's fucking 12 o'clock and drinking champagne. I hate champagne. And I hate those TV shows with a passion.
Well, I was pissed, obviously. But instead of simply letting me be and calm down somehow, Mum comes in and does that fucking whiny thing where she tries to make me feel bad for what I feel (and somehow telling me spending this last week doing nothing was somehow not normal. Ha!). I wasn't angry at her for having a cold, for fuck's sake. I was angry ... at the universe or whatever. Normal, healthy anger about never ever having a chance of getting away from that old bat of a G*mother. Not petulance (even if it sounds like that :)). I'm just ... tired of her, tired of her machinations, her monopoly of our lives, of her temper tantrums, and of her emotional cruelty ...

Anyway, "Wiener Blut" was everything I expected it to be. Dinner was ... not worse than expected, which means it was barely okay. And sitting together comes now. Oh goody. I'm all aquiver now.

That manipulating, conniving old bitch!

Sooo, another year almost over.
This week I was ... okay, am obscenely, stinking lazy. So everything went mostly according to my holiday plans. :) I didn't plan the flu - but it was a teeny one and at least that way I could stay away from family celebrations. All in all, it's been quite the perfect Christmas for me :D

I've been going through my collection of fanfic (I expected it to be bigger ...), and really, the idea of putting the author name in the file seemed to be a weird comcept to me back then. Instead of only sorting them by fandom, author name, and title - and being done in a few hours - now I first have to find the stories online and find out who wrote it. Honestly - forgetting the author, for fuck's sake. So far I found all of them, but ... argh.

Another argh, a BIG ONE is IJ. I really get the idea of making sure that users are active and all that shit. I guess they sent an email about my journals being kinda "inactive". BUT I STILL COULD SPIT FIRE AND BRIMSTONE, THOSE DAMN FUCKERS DELETED AND PURGED MY FUCKING JOURNAL!!! IT WAS MINE! MINE!! MINE!!!
Maybe there was a reason I didn't update them regularly?! God, I'm so glad I made one backup at Wordpress, even if I'm not spectacultarly fond of Wordpress's structure.
Do I have to go back to LJ now? I'm not really sure I want that. But IJ deleted my Journal, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!!!!!!!

If I'd needed any proof that ebooks aren't really my thing (apart from the fact that I refused to even think about buying a reader. But in the end I did buy one, so I guess that doesn't really count) - now I have it. For at least two weeks my Kindle was "missing".
Then I found it. Under a heap of other books.
I guess someone who buries her nose and sniffs every new book isn't really made for all that modern stuff.

On the other hand, the reader is simply great for reading fanfic. Finally being able to read without my laptop, without that bright screen giving me a headache. so right now I'm going through all my folders of fanfic :)
So I guess, somehow ebooks are my thing, in a way :)

I booked my summer holiday and now I want to go there right now, please! :)

Still pretty much tired all the time, but that's okay. But still, I'm looking forward towards a few days for myself.

I did it - I told S. that I want to quit dancing. Finally. I just lost interest. Well, that's not completely true - I still love dancing. How it feels, how it makes me feel. I just don't want that journey into town, I don't feel at home in the group any more (I was never that fifteen!!), and to be entirely honest, S. was/is getting on my nerves.
His constant complaining (well, he has a new job, maybe that would have stopped), that fucking mansplaining, his intrusive nature ... Buttttt, soon he'll be busy anyway. He'll be a father next year. The idea of him and B becoming parents is a little strange ... but it was to be expected :)

Tomorrow I'll stay at home from work and do some serious baking :) and I'll book my summer holiday! Yay! :D

That not-quite-there-cold is still lingering. Annoying.

... somehow I almost completely forgot how much I like keeping a journal. And how much I enjoy the whole concept of journals and communities - neither Facebook nor Wordpress can compare. :)

I doubt I'll have much time to post as often as I did a couple of years back - but I want to read and post a little more :)
... I have the feeling I said the same thing not so long ago XD


I feel like I caught the second cold in three weeks and my stomach's acting up again. I just hope it won't last as long as the last time ... anyway. I'm still pretty much exhausted, I rarely get enough sleep. Eight hours are not nearly enough somehow :/
Private life is nonexistant at the moment. And when I have time for me, I want it for me, for me alone (I'm greedy like that). For months I haven't been dancing; I don't want to have to do the trip into town again, I don't want to have a schedule, I don't want to have to meet people. I have enough of that during the week. I like my work, but it's more than enough right now.
I'd like to quit dancing - it's lost its appeal, I want more time for myself, I feel a little too old for the group I'm in and too young for the others, and it's money I could easily spend somewhere else - but there's S. to consider. He's okay, but also a little annoying. Still, I dread this conversation. A little.

Tired, headache ... off to bed (sooner or later)

Dear colleagues,

I am grateful for any help and advice you can give me (naturally, I'm a little more grateful, ha!, am ridiculously happy when you tell me what I do okay or even well)

But, dear colleagues, it SUCKS BIG TIME to be compared to my fucking perfect-with-a-bow-and-a-cherry-on-top-(with sprinkles) predecessor.

She may be a model of perfect perfection in your eyes - but she's not here anymore. I'm here. And I'm doing my fucking best to be as perfectly perfect as possible (Remember? My first day here was not even three months ago.) Maybe she was flawless from the very first day - but I'm not. So, would you fucking stop comparing me to fucking Saint H.

GODDAMMIT!! I AM NOT "THE NEW H." - I AM MY VERY OWN PERSON!



It fucking hurts.

I'm pretty much exhausted.
Work is good, the book fair and everything else went pretty well. But still, it's a little overwhelming.
In the evening it's already dark when I get home - yes, now it's really winter - and I'm all the time.
Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep, I need more sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

;)

My last day at work came and went pretty uneventful. Only four or so were there, the rest was working at home or whatever. Some didn't even know it was my last day, even. At least I think so. All in all a little disappointing, the other departments were completely different. D:

I didn't get the job, S. did. I don't really mind her getting it - I'd just have liked to get it myself :/
Those *sshats let us wait for two months and wouldn't give us an appointment. Pretty mean. More or like the same day L. told us there'd be a vacancy in Foreign Rights. They need someone by August. I applied. Still no answer. Idiots.

Last week I had an appointment. Nice. Good editing house, small, interesting job, lots of responsibility. Sounds pretty good, I hope they trust me with this :)

Next week I have another appointment - the job doesn't sound as interesting, but not too bad. Long way to work, but okay.

I HATE this situation, by the way :S

I did the unimaginable. I bought an e-reader. It's a pretty basic one, second hand and neither Kindle nor Apple (but Apple doesn't sell e-readers, do they?).
Anyway, I solemnly swear I'll only use it for: fanfiction, literature under public license, literature under public license in foreign languages (anything neither English nor popular is pretty expensive here. Or nearly impossible to find.)
I will NEVER EVER support piracy. And most likely I'll never buy an e-book. I love the real thing way too much for that.
So, that's off my chest :)

My dreams are pretty weird at the moment. This morning I was driving an office chair - no, speeding with an office chair. I don't know where nor why, but I was fast! :)
Last week or so I was a russian nobleman seducing my valet. My, those white silk stockings!! :D :D

I’d like to write more often. I mean, it’s not like there’s much happening in my life, but reading old entries makes me wish I’d write more regularly – to keep track, remember all those unimportant yet lovely (or not) events.

Anyway, in the last week of April I handed in my application for the job. Here. In this house. It’s a job I love to have. A perfect mix of old and new – new colleagues, a completely new department and yet the same employer, the same work ethics collegiality, appreciation and the same wonderful books all around me. The only problem: I can hardly claim to be experienced. And there are 250 others who’d like the job just as much as I do.
At the moment there are quite a lot jobs offered around here, which is fortunate – and not. Because I still hope for this one, and so I don’t want to apply for any other job. I don’t want to jinx it, somehow.

So right now I’m more or less in between everything. I don’t want anything to change, I don’t want to wait anymore, I want them to answer and I don’t.

that I'm slowly turning into a ... marmot or something. If life would let me I could sleep fordays. I guess, I haven't tried yet. But Friday night I was so exhausted I went to bed at 8 (and shocked the parents) and got up the next day at 12. THAT was nice.
Tursday was our big turning-50-celebration - and I really mean celebration. Delicious food, hundreds of guests, some important, some not so much (well, I was there, too)and a good time for everyone. I left at 11.45 and arrived home at 2 - the joys of living in the country. My feet were killing me, but I had a great time, too. :) Of course, Friday at work was ... different. Everybody left earlier than usual :)

BUT apart from turning into a lazy whatever and having to look for a new job RIGHT NOW, life is good. The last two years have been better than it has been all those years before. I can't remember ever being this ... content and happy, even. :)

The book fair was awesome, as always. But now I’m off to bed J

Was that really necessary? Really? On the last evening together?
We had our end of term party – I know, it’s usually boring, with bad music and I don’t like everyone there either. But is it really necessary to start some parallel “activity”? Watching a movie, playing cards etc. That’s plain unfair, the last evening we’re all spending together and all you do is showing off how much different and better and special you are? F*ck you. Honestly. And then you come and ask “where’ve you been all the time?”??? Really??


But now, back home, back to work. And the book fair!!!!

Hm. It took longer this time to feel “at home” again here. For whatever reason. But our room is nicer than last time and – ! – we have our “own” small bathroom we only share with two others.
Why on earth K. chose to room with H. I haven’t got the slightest idea. I mean, she was one of the few more annoying persons last time and I don’t suppose it’s going to be better this time.
K’s already complaining about the smell in their room – H is a pretty heavy smoker, so that was to be expected, too. Whatever.

Interesting. This Wednesday was our “midterm” party and a marketing guy from a well known publisher was there, as well (after a reading with one of their authors). He was … well, to be honest, he was pretty disgusting. Getting drunk rather quickly he started to feel up ANYthing vaguely female. After a while everyone was giving him a wiiiide berth. I was lucky enough to be not of interest. Or to be out of reach.

Later that evening (I was already in bed) one of the girls told him off and he was … scandalised. What an allegation! He could be her grandfather!!! Now, really?

Heh, the next day our “headmaster” told us they were going to look into this. Hopefully that means no more visits from that well known publishing house.

Well … I cut the soap. It smells not too bad, all the sodium hydroxide solution(?) seems to be gone … yay! It looks very nice!! I’m soooo proud! Now I have to wait till after school to see how nice and wonderful it is! :/
I’m not sure I want to go to school right now. Work was interesting and I like L. very much. And it was great to “make” a book for the first time! :)

Meh. The saop turned out to be pretty disgusting. Especially the stench was … special. I guess something hindered the saponification. Maybe I shouln’t have tried making soap with dairy in my first attempt. Or something :)
But. I used the rest of my ingredients for a second try – this time without any dairy – and maybe the result will be better. This time with even more lemony stuff, a brew of stinging nettle and LOTS of rosemary. :)

Hm, I tried making soap for the first time. With yogurt and some lemony stuff to make it smell good. And ginger :)
Doesn’t look too bad, actually. But now I have to wait to see how it turns out.