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Aug. 1st, 2019

Oh my

So, I just watched the 2017 version of Murder on the Orient Express, and may I respectfully ask WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK???

The opening? With Poirot sticking his fucking walking stick into the Western Wall just for funsies? Who thought that was a fine idea?

And we have a soccer team of Very Good Actors, but somehow we don't get to see them act, not really. Because everything is about brilliant, tormented, conflicted, broken hearted Hercule. Wot? Why choose a whodunnit where a huge part of the fun is seeing lots of suspects acting suspicious and watching the detective detecting when you then basically ignore that part?
And insted give us silly chases, an unnecessary avalanche, a weird stabbing and an even more unnecessary shoot out?
Christie's stories are not action-packed. And there's no need to add action. They're formulaic, yes, and unlikely, and that's okay.

Come on.

Jul. 20th, 2019

tfw you find a writer you really like on tumblr and they reblog anti bs. :/

soooo. after three fucking weeks i finally got my kitty back!

Minou escaped because i didn't realise she was in my bedroom when i left the windows open. (and i only noticed a couple of hours later when she didn't come screaming for dinner). she stayed pretty close but wouldn't let anyone touch her.

even got a trap to catch her. i caught a neighbour's cat (twice) and a hedgehog (three times). minou escaped because she's an eel and too fast to be real, and never went into the trap again.

and then this week she waited in front of my door for breakfast and dinner and let me scritch her. and on thursday i picked her up and took her inside and now she's back :)

now i need to get her to the vet :D

Apr. 29th, 2019

man, i got feels and many of them

sooooo. Endgame

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you'll find me on ao3, in the relevant tags

Apr. 26th, 2019

awesome. i think some ashat rando on ig just spoilered endgame for me.

i thought i had to be careful on tumblr. not on some fucking post about a big fish on fucking ig

Apr. 19th, 2019

Honestly, I loved all of Tony's suits in IM3 (apart from the fact that the're the result of his anxiety of course). That fight with all these suits. Awesome.

Tony destryoing all his suits makes me so sad every time i watch the movie :(

Mar. 16th, 2019

ngl the moment Carol Danvers told Yon-Rogg "I don't owe you anything" I had to think of Steven "on va voir" Grant Rogers. And I smiled.

Feb. 18th, 2019

My snugglebabies :)
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Feb. 3rd, 2019

Did the absolite minimun of adulting this weekend, i.e. grocery shopping and scaring the kitties with the vacuum cleaner. I mean, work during the week is enough adultiness, bleh. Work is annoying and sucks.

Monty has discovered his taste for paper, this week he ate my parents' statements of account, tried to eat my salary statement (and other important stuff that was in the envelope), and chewed on a paperback. I have no idea what he likes about paper so much, but it's still a little funny. That little shit has all of us wrapped around his little finger, I love that snuggle bug so much.

Friday afternoon someone from the shelter came for the second control visit; Minou turned tail and ran faster than you could say "CHEESE!". The lady only got one picture before Minou hid behind the curtain and hissed at us. Mascha just sat there and allowed us to pet her like the  queen she is :) The lady was so very happy to see Mascha comfortable and all purry (and round lol). And I was happy that she was happy :))

Yesterday when I was sitting on the sofa Mascha came to me for the first time, licked my fingers and then rammed her head against my hand to demand scritches :)
She's never done that before <3 <3 <3 


In our last appointment my therapist suggested trying to reduce my meds ... I told her I was willing to try, how I felt secure enough. L O L
Later I reallized  that the thought actually fucking scares me. Rationally I know no one wants to take my meds away over night. I know the idea is to take it slow - and that I can say that I want them back. But my monkey brain is bouncing around and scared, worried I'll lose the security I have now. Hm.
And I wonder if my "yes, let's  try this!" is just me being the obedient people-pleaser. I have to do some thinking, I guess.

Jan. 24th, 2019

Dear eternal and hopefully benevolent powers above. Please strike down the person that cursed me with this pre-installed ~FREE TRIAL~ bullshit by McAfee. 

This is like shitty glitter, impossible to get rid of and and incredibly annoying.


Jan. 17th, 2019

So, next level of kitty care: ointment for her eyes. fucking ointment. Drops were not fiddly enough? sigh.

my baby


Jan. 13th, 2019

So ... I suspect one of the kitties has peed in the living room. Somewhere. Ugh.

So I guess I'll get a UV light and play CSI. 

In other news, Minou destroyed the new mousie toy in one (1) day.


Jan. 9th, 2019

yesterday was my grandmother's funeral. It was ... good. and weird.

I havent't been to church for a very long time, so that was weird (and I really mean weird. I still know all the words, and it was once so important to me and now very much not).

But it was good to come together and say goodbye. 


Her cousin was there, too. And in the late afternoon he had a cerebral haemorrhage and died after a few hours.

Jan. 1st, 2019

Aaaand I'm sad again. 

Because of my fucking period.
Because I have to go back to work this Thursday, and I hate it so much.
Because it frustrates me that I have to bother my cat multiple times a day with eye drops and The Brush and she no longer likes to snuggle up to me
Because my Grandmother died and my aunt is acting like a real asshole. 

Fuck all this fuckery


Dec. 24th, 2018

Christmas Eve was nice and quiet. We exchanged presents, Monty tried to eat all the wrapping paper and boxes. Then he got to (had to) try on his new winter jacket and he hated it. He stood there, looking so reproachful (how could you do this to me???! I look so silly, the other dogs will laugh at me!!!). But it was so adorable. <3

Then Dad went to have a nap, because he has a cold, and Mom and me had a nap because we wanted to. Monty lay down next to me on the sofa and it was awfully comfy.

And now I just had like half a Daim cake and I'm watching TV.

After years of awfully forced Christmas "performances" for my Grandmother this is just perfection. <3


Last night I got almost no sleep at all. I stayed awake a little too long, past being tired, so to speak. And then I was worried about my kitties, too. They're sneezing and I'm concerned - that it could be more than just dry air. And it felt like they were sneezing non stop because I fell asleep between the sneezes. sigh.
I'll see if it's better after Christmas and if not I'll haul Mascha's butt to the vet.

Dec. 23rd, 2018

2018 - A Review

1. What is your general feeling for 2019?

Leeriness. That fucker better be less stressful than 2018.


2. 2018 in one word?



3. Did something for the first time time 2018?

Meditate. I tried it to work on my mental health


4. Did something again after a long time?

Knitting. And reading.


5. Something you regret not doing?



6. Word of the Year?



7. Hospitalizations?



8. Food of the year?

Hard to say, I basically love everything you can eat lol
But I tried Mochi for the first time :)


9. Song of the year?

Bohemian Rhapsody


10. Book of the year?

Truman Capote: In Cold Blood


11. Movie of the year?

I loved Black Panther.


12. Insight of the year?

Needing help does not make you weak


13. Things I could have done without?

1. Acute hearing loss/tinnitus because of stress. It sucks
2. She's not a thing, but counts nonetheless: my boss


14. Best decisions of the year?

1. Making my parents get a doggo
2. Deciding to get myself kitties
3. Finally starting therapy

Yesterday we went to visit my Grandma. It was an unplanned visit - Thursday early in the morning she fell out of bed (she's in a nursing home) and wasn't well afterward.

She's very confused, but maybe that's because of a concussion. Or maybe a small stroke ...

It was really ... touching and ... strange.
I mean, she recognised my mom and me; but basically all she said was "thank you" again and again. For visiting, for everything. How nice we are for visiting, how good. How bad she is for not being able to control her bladder. Wishing us all the best.

She's 97, for the last 20 years she's been expecting to die. But still, this felt so much like saying goodbye. We were never close, she was never really interested in me.
But she was so tiny and tired in her bed. And I felt like ... I don't know if there's a God, but if there is he'd better be kind to her.


Dec. 19th, 2018

Today I bought a hand puppet. shaped like an octopus. It's ridiculous and awesome and Monty loved chewing on it (and my fingers, of course):

This morning he stole the butter dish from the table and tried to sneak away with it. He got caught, he didn't eat too much of it, so he's fine. 

thieving thief.


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Dec. 17th, 2018

okay, forgetting my meds two days in a row is not ideal for my mental health. you actually do know this, miss. (sigh)

but. having your boss basically say: you can't be overworked and stressed, you're on coffee break all the time[not fucking true. obviously. lol] ... does not help either.

because saying shit like that is assholery. Especially considering we've been one person short in our team since January AND i was on sick leave for sudden hearing loss earlier this year. Which obviously had nothing to do with being overworked and stressed. of course.

bosses suck

Dec. 16th, 2018

Aw, come on!

I'm really fucking disappointed in PF right now. "Policy on Explicit Artwork & Underage Characters", really?? This is so fucking vague and wishy washy and I am not happy.

1. banning a user for doing something that wasn't in the TOS at that time? no-no

2. how the fuck do they plan to enforce this?? moderators squinting at artwork to decide if there's enough titty to make sure no one is underage? this will be awesome.

what the fuck.

so pf does not seem to be the place to go for fandom, and that makes me sad.

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